Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
