I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
