Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
