now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
