party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
