I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
