Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
