I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
