If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
