I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
