did you get engaged???
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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