that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
