Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
