make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
