Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
