If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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