guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
