I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
