By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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