Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
