can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
