You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I cut my penus on the lid.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
