i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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