my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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