I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
