the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
