On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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