How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
