the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
