cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
