I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
