i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
