Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
