We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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