my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
