I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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