His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
