I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
