is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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