somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
