my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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