This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
