She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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