If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
