It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
