mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
