i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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