Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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