So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
