This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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