By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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