lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize