He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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