Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
God I need to hump something, right now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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