I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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