Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize