honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
zippers are such a cool invention
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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