white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Randomize
