Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
