It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
