Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
