it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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