Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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