in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
