btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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