I faked an abortion last night.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
