I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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