I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
