i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
