I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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