I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
