yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Randomize
