hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
