You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
even my farts smell like vagina
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
