My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
